A Thought on Love...

I first heard this poem being read on Patch Adams at a funeral. It was so moving, I had to look it up... So simple, pure and inviting...

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I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So, I love you because I know no other way than this:
where "I" does not exist, nor "you",
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- Pablo Neruda

The Legend of the Sand Dollar

There’s a lovely little legend
that I would like to tell,
of the birth and death of Jesus,
found in this lowly shell

If you examine closely,
you’ll see that you find here,
four nail holes and a fifth one,
made by a Roman’s spear.

On one side the Easter lily,
its center is the star,
that appeared unto the shepherds
and led them from afar.

The Christmas Poinsettia
etched on the other side,
reminds us of His birthday,
our happy Christmastide.

Now break the center open,
and here you will release,
the five white doves awaiting,
to spread Good Will and Peace.

This simple little symbol,
Christ left for you and me,
to help us spread His Gospel,
through all Eternity.

Author Unknown

My Return

As much as I enjoyed being with my family on vacation, I also enjoyed the alone time that I was able to have. While out there, he took the kid and had gone to find out about some surfing lessons. I think that would be awesome to do the next time we come out. That gave me some time to sit and just daydream a little. I saw dolphins while out at the beach. I was kind of hoping to see whales. We had a room with an ocean view. It wasn’t the season, but still one could hope. Next time we come out, I want to do a few more things. I hated having to leave :-(

Vacation!

We are going on vacation to one of my favorite places. I’m so looking forward to this. It’s been 3 years since we last gone because of money issues. I’m just looking forward to the shopping and parking out on the beach and “collecting”.

It never fails!! I always get sick for my birthday :-( No matter what I do I just can’t seem to shake it.

Failure...a re-evaluation of Life

A friend of mine from my community college days has been talking with me the last couple of months about issues in her relationship. She found out that her husband of 2 years was cheating on her. It's been tough on her. Understandable, but she's been making progress in her life and has decided she is going to end the marriage. She has been sounding less and less depressed each time I talk to her. Late one night, around 1 am, I recieved a text message on my cell. Nothing too weird because my friends text me at all hours of the night. Well, it was a text from her husband. Strange? Yes, since he and I were never too fond of each other. He told me that Krista had killed herself a few nights before. The most upsetting thing is, I had just talked with her on the phone the day before this happened. She sounded just fine. He also told me to respect HIS privacy and to not call the house (umm, fuck you?)...It's been kinda hard on me. I mean, it's not like we we were like super close, but we were good friends none-the-less. It's also made me re-evaluate my life. What I have, where I've been, where I'm headed. I'm thankful for the things I have in my life. I'm thankful for the friends and memories that I've made along the way. I'm thankful for my family. There are, of course, areas of my life I wish I had not done, but I look at it as if it were "lifes lessons" that I learned the hard way. Those lessons (or mistakes) are what makes me who I am today. My friend once told me, "It's either love or fear which gets people moving." I think he made a good point. It's almost scary to think about what fear (or fears) caused Krista to move in such a life altering direction. I've been there, more times than I'd like to admit to, but something always drove me in the opposite direction. What was that something? A friend. A listening ear. A comforting hug. A friend. I have always told my friends that they can email me anytime, or they can call my cell at any time. I would be there for them if they needed someone to talk to. I know how important it is to have that. So again... I extend my invitation out to my friends. I am here for you if you need someone to talk to. I've told Krista this many times. I feel as if I have failed her in some way. Here's yet another quote from my friend..."WTF!" How fitting...

Survival....

I don't post to often. It's amazing I've even posted this much... I've had some pretty drastic things happen to me in the last few months. I'm sitting here tonight, wondering...wondering if I am going to survive these battle scars... wondering if I'm going to move on with myself in tact, or will I lick my wounds and start over.

Time will tell...

It's the LITTLE THINGS that count

Every little thing...every little piece...every freaking time!! I can handle stress pretty well...at least that's how it looks from the outside. Inside...however...I'm a complete mess. I have a job that I seem to spend way to much time at, then I come home and then it's time to settle down and do more work. My job seems like its 24/7. Eventually its going to slow down right???

It's not much of a life right now, but I'm managing, and I do it with a smile.

Today, I came home and I was just extremely worn out and so I threw my shit in the computer room, put my happy ass on the couch and turned on the tv and I surfed the tv guide :-P He comes home and he looks at me, doesn't say anything, goes to the kitchen, goes to the bedroom and lays down to watch tv in there. I get up. I go into the bedroom and I ask him how he was. He says fine and then says whats for dinner? When I told him I didn't really think to much of it today and that I was feeling worn out, he got really quite and was real short with me when I asked what was wrong. After trying to talk to him, I decided I had had it. Why do I have to play the happy housewife all the time. We're not even married!!! Sorry buddy...wifey needs a breaky. How immature? I feel so unappreciated all the time.. I want to run away! Let's see how he acts then! BAH! STRESS!! Grrrr....