All I can say is...wow what Lack of Sleep can Bring Forth!
to my dark haired, green eyed mystery man....
if there were ever a dream to share....
there's no one here. no one around us. we are alone. and because we are alone, we allow ourselves to relate to similar needs. needs we both have a desire to satisfy...
as he smiles at me, his piercing green eyes make me weak for a moment. and in that brief moment, i almost forget to breathe. god, i love his eyes. i love how they dance when he's nervous and i love how alive they become when he speaks. i catch my breath and i smile back. as he moves towards me he opens his arms and invites me into his embrace. i press my body against his and i allow myself to melt into him. i can hear his heart beating and i can feel the warmth of his body. i feel safe. i allow my hands to run down his back and then quickly pull away to say hello.
as we catch up on each others lives, my mind wanders. what does he want from me? the same burning question haunts me every time i see him. my friend. the answer is simple. the answer is perfect...NOTHING. he wants nothing from me. perfect because i don't want nothing from him. simple because its carefree, reckless, and yet deeply satisfying. limitations without limits. a moment in time to be selfish and removed from our day to day responsibilities. but again...just for a moment.
an awkward silence falls between us. my gaze shy's away from his. i close my eyes and giggle softly. come a little closer i think to myself...just...come a littler closer...and as if on cue, he responds to my thoughts. is he reading my mind? oh! the things he must know by now! as he moves towards me, his eyes fixate on mine. i find myself slowly being pushed back against the truck. he lays against me, pressing his body hard against mine pinning me in place. he smiles. pure wickedness. he runs his fingers down my neck, along my chest, and brushes his lips against mine. my body trembles. there's something in the way he touches me, his scent, the way he tastes, his understandings. in response to his touch, i wrap my arms around him and he pulls me close. i become breathless. this is the moment i love. life without breathless moments...is no life at all.
he runs his hands up my back and gently pulls on my hair, tilting my head back. he begins to kiss and nibble on my neck. i feel the frenzy of goosebumps form and i'm in heaven. i let out a quiet gasp which seems to drive him crazy. his free hand runs up my side against my clothed breast. my nipples, hard with excitement, become his target. his gentle tugs become more rough. his hand find its way under my shirt, pinching and squeezing. my body is sent into a somersault of ecstasy. i quiver and shudder as a rush of pleasure runs its course through my body.
when i gain some control of myself, i move my hands under his shirt. feeling the warmth of skin and the ruggedness of his hairy chest. i then slide my hand down...lower...until i feel the warmth of his manhood pressed against his jeans straining to be released. with this new found freedom i run my hands over the swollen member. i feel it throb and jerk with my touch. i look up and his eyes are closed. i gently press my lips against his. without warning, i feel his body stiffen. his breath is shallow and rapid. suddenly it catches in his throat and he releases a stifled moan. slowly his body releases from its tight hold. he takes me deep into his arms and his breath returns to normal.
this is nothing...truly it is nothing. nothing more. nothing less. just a moment of appreciation. its an addictive feeling. it is a drug that gets us through small hurdles. we don't belong to each other and we don't want to belong to each other. its obvious. We found singularity...if only for a moment.
just as he entered my dreams, I beg of him to let me inside his mind. but he slips away...he is my green eyed mystery man.
.
.
there is sex and then there is connection. you don't need to have sex to have this type of connection...you have trust.
.
.
I'm lonely everyday. He doesn't realize it. But his actions keep me in this state. There is nothing more lonelier than loving someone who is scared to love you back. Someone who is says they do love you, but is afraid to offer themselves to you completely. Someone who supposedly is the one person you would spend the rest of your life with. The one person who you should trust whole heartedly.
.
FEAR...what a drug.
.
I am hurting...
