As I sit through my haze of depression and self pity....I wonder WTF?! It's been a trying last few months to say the least, but I'm making strides. I feel overworked, over stressed, under paid, under appreciated, angry, confused, cheated, unloved, unwanted, grateful, determined, willing, inspired, strong, oh and overworked and under appreciated...hmm think I said that already...damn. Did I mention conufused??
I miss "me" stuff and have been trying to find it again. Actually I miss "us" stuff but sometimes I think he doesn't want it so I back off. I don't know where he is half the time...his body is here on the couch but spiritually he is elsewhere. I just don't know if he really wants to be here. Perhaps I am the stupid one for thinking we could fix things. He ensures me that he does...
Dazed and confused...
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Migraines....GO AWAY!!
I came home early today...the migraines are still hanging around and figured some sleep would do me good. So here I am...no sleep, no relaxing, planning out the weeks dinner and grocery list. Now I need to get some work done for lessons this week. What is my issue?
The stress in my life is going to kill me. I've had my migraines for almost two weeks now. Not major ones like they have been, but they are lurking somewhere behind my eyes. I can feel it. On top of that the paranoia I have about my husband and his infidelities are still causing me grief. This is no way to live. I feel blindsided.
The past few months have just really been an up and down rollercoaster for me, but I am strong.
I just need to look around and find the blessings in disguise that I have surrounded myself with. I'm thankful for the close friends that I have that I am able to get together with and have lunch and just de-stress and enjoy good company. I'm very low key about my "issues" in life. I don't feel like dealing with the labels or dealing with having to justify myself all the time for the choices I makes. I already have to justify things to myself. That's bad enough.
I'm strong? Idk...
The stress in my life is going to kill me. I've had my migraines for almost two weeks now. Not major ones like they have been, but they are lurking somewhere behind my eyes. I can feel it. On top of that the paranoia I have about my husband and his infidelities are still causing me grief. This is no way to live. I feel blindsided.
The past few months have just really been an up and down rollercoaster for me, but I am strong.
I just need to look around and find the blessings in disguise that I have surrounded myself with. I'm thankful for the close friends that I have that I am able to get together with and have lunch and just de-stress and enjoy good company. I'm very low key about my "issues" in life. I don't feel like dealing with the labels or dealing with having to justify myself all the time for the choices I makes. I already have to justify things to myself. That's bad enough.
I'm strong? Idk...
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Will things ever change?
I'm starting to believe that I really am a fucking idiot to believe things would ever change. All the promises, all the talks, all the hope...I feel as if we are back to the same old situation of being two people married but living single in the same house. Where is my husband?
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