It never fails!! I always get sick for my birthday :-( No matter what I do I just can’t seem to shake it.

Failure...a re-evaluation of Life

A friend of mine from my community college days has been talking with me the last couple of months about issues in her relationship. She found out that her husband of 2 years was cheating on her. It's been tough on her. Understandable, but she's been making progress in her life and has decided she is going to end the marriage. She has been sounding less and less depressed each time I talk to her. Late one night, around 1 am, I recieved a text message on my cell. Nothing too weird because my friends text me at all hours of the night. Well, it was a text from her husband. Strange? Yes, since he and I were never too fond of each other. He told me that Krista had killed herself a few nights before. The most upsetting thing is, I had just talked with her on the phone the day before this happened. She sounded just fine. He also told me to respect HIS privacy and to not call the house (umm, fuck you?)...It's been kinda hard on me. I mean, it's not like we we were like super close, but we were good friends none-the-less. It's also made me re-evaluate my life. What I have, where I've been, where I'm headed. I'm thankful for the things I have in my life. I'm thankful for the friends and memories that I've made along the way. I'm thankful for my family. There are, of course, areas of my life I wish I had not done, but I look at it as if it were "lifes lessons" that I learned the hard way. Those lessons (or mistakes) are what makes me who I am today. My friend once told me, "It's either love or fear which gets people moving." I think he made a good point. It's almost scary to think about what fear (or fears) caused Krista to move in such a life altering direction. I've been there, more times than I'd like to admit to, but something always drove me in the opposite direction. What was that something? A friend. A listening ear. A comforting hug. A friend. I have always told my friends that they can email me anytime, or they can call my cell at any time. I would be there for them if they needed someone to talk to. I know how important it is to have that. So again... I extend my invitation out to my friends. I am here for you if you need someone to talk to. I've told Krista this many times. I feel as if I have failed her in some way. Here's yet another quote from my friend..."WTF!" How fitting...