In the end....

I'm feeling better.  Battery of medical appointments. White blood cells are going up, sugar and blood pressure dropping to low. Dizzy spells. Passing out when I shouldn't (not that you ever should).  And guess what... Blood work ALL normal.

Psycho, suicidal, stalker girl friend still causing shit.

WTF!

"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you." -- Buddha

Oblivion

"...years have passed since I saw your face. I wonder if I come to you at night, in dreams, in the day as memories.  Do I haunt your hours the way you haunted mine?

...If we have souls, they're made of the love we share. Undimmed by time, unbound by death." - Jack Harper

Life is an Echo...Who is The Voice in Your Head?

A quick quote while you ponder my question...

I'm still trying to figure it out myself...

The question comes up often...and often I 

find myself thinking about it...

       Sometimes Learning to Live... 

                                             Means Learning to Let Go...

   

He said...I said...She said...

A friend gave me some truth tonight.

He said...

                 "That doesn't make you weak.. you are just loyal to a fault.. but she isn't sane..."

I said...

                 "Loyal to a fault. Sounds like a disease. Fuck!"   *SIGH*

She said...

                 "Please don't give up on me I'm fighting to survive."

I said...

                 "Maybe I should be the one jumping off a cliff!"

....DAMNIT!!!!

Just Once...I'm such an idiot.

Just once, I want someone to fight for me as I fought for you.  I gave you my heart.  You played me for a fool.  You manipulated my emotions.  You played my weaknesses.  You controlled me.

I'm done.  I can't do it anymore. I'm not your puppet.

I could not sleep last night.  I woke up almost every hour.  I went to work as a zombie with my brain unable to focus on anything other than wondering if you were dead or if you were laughing at me. (Ha! Zombies have brains? UGH) I did call the cops.  And now you text me that you took the day off and went to Disneyland with your cousin.  WTF?? I feel like a god damn fool.  Again. for the 4th or 5th time now.  I wont let you reel me back in.  I can't handle your bipolar mood swings.  I wont let you lay that responsibility on me again.

I'm tired of feeling guilty.  I'm tired of feeling like a horrible friend.  I'm tired.  I can't do it anymore.

...and now...its time I do whats best for me...

Sincerely,
The Sucker

Why? Explain this to me...why??

The stress in my life is off the wall.  I've tried to avoid so many things. I've tried to hide from everything and everyone.  I'm tired of hiding.

Why is it when you try to do what you think is right, you get accused of being a horrible friend? I should have called the cops the first time! And now you threaten me with that crap again for the umpteenth time? Is this how you test a friendship?

I refuse to answer your calls, your texts, your emails, your anything. I wont let you throw this at me again!

Someone tell me im doing the right thing?

If I was that low, I would want someone to listen to me. 

Why do I feel like I've abandoned her?

Why do I feel guilty?   Why am I hurting?

Is this what you wanted?  You need help. Help that I cannot give.

Someone...tell me im not...Horrible...

Please.

I don't know what to do
.