I'm sorry...

I'm sorry...

So...today I blew up. I had a meeting today after work, I had to get some other clerical stuff done, and I got home late. I thought it would be a good idea to go grocery shopping since we haven’t gone in a while and have resorted to eating out. :-P Anyways... When I spoke to him on the phone, I told him I was going to be home a little late, and we should go grocery shopping. I told him I had a lot of work to do when I got home because of all the demands the higher ups are asking for. Anyways...I told him I would have to put off our walk for tomorrow. Yes, we're trying to do that whole "exercise - eat right - get fit" thing. :-P So far not so bad. I've lost about 15lbs. However, superbowl weekend....KILLER! Pretty sure I gained it all back... I suck. Anyways, he got upset about it because I yet again put it off. It's not like I put it off all the time, and when I do, I make up for it. Damn it. I hate feeling like I disappoint everyone. Not only that, I disappointed myself as well. I can never get anything right.

I'm struggling at work right now. The higher ups have readjusted the time lime yet again and now I'm cramming a shit load of new information into tiny minds in such a short period of time and those tiny minds hate me for it.

These fucking dreams are killing me...if it's not that damn cryptic dream where I am being asked to go away with someone but I don’t then its an x-rated dream (which makes no fucking sense at all because it is surrounded by such an emotional heart-wrenching dream) . I need to get away. I need to get away by myself. Hell, I would love to get away with someone who would just listen to me bitch and then take me to the beach and leave me there :-P (but of course pick me up in time for bed) Blah! Yeah..I'm a wimp.

Not a word to me...we went grocery shopping, he asked a few things...got home, and we cooked dinner. It was damn good if I don't say so myself...shameless plug sorry... anyways, so here I am in the computer room doing my shit and not a word. The occasional "what are you doing? where is the cat? etc..." Tv's on...I'd have to talk during commercials, but even that is few and far between. Maybe I'll just go stare at him and see what that does...

Sigh...it's lonely here. I yearn for attention, a touch, a soft embrace.

Ya know, they say that after being together so long...you get "comfortable" with each other. I can see this, but does that mean you go on living your life playing the same old script? Hello. How was your day? What did you do? What is for dinner? I'm gonna go to bed. They say when people get bored, they look for attention in other places. I would never leave him...but damn it...Any invitation is starting to look freaking marvelous right now.

Right now the only attention I am getting is that cat who won't get the hell off my desk and as I type he smacks my hands. I guess he needs attention too... brb while I go beat his ass....

Just kidding... *sigh* I'll follow up on the staring technique. If you don't hear from me in a few days, it's safe to assume I ran away. Don't call 9-1-1. I'm not that important!

Here is my brain-fart for the day. What a biography it has turned out to be.