So today's field trip got cut short by pleas for additional supplies. I need to go out and purchase another set of light up blinking sun glasses for our 5k Color Run tonight. Ok, maybe its not cut short, just a slight detour.
The short time I was out gave me time to reflect on something a friend said to me.
Its amazing how much power ATTENTION can give you and how debilitating it can be when stripped from you.
I, for one, love attention (as shy as I am, that's a shocker). But would I fall apart if it was taken from me? My brain says no, but my heart says theres doubt. And now...as I sit here and think more...if you gain an emotional connection with someone I guess I would fall apart. Then I ask...to what extent? I keep reevaluating my thoughts and re-questioning myself.
I hate that I've hurt her. I hate that I feel like I've abandoned her. I hate that I constantly reevaluate everything I've done for her. And I hate that I'm having a hard time moving on.
I HATE THAT I CARE ABOUT PEOPLE TOO MUCH and I hate that I feel guilty for saying that.
The problem with me... I'm an emotional person. I go both feet in. I give my all to people I care about and that leaves me vulnerable.
Loyal to a fault...I guess that's me. Take me or leave me (faults and all).
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