I long for you...

Sleep is such a difficult thing to find these days.  My once stimulating dreams have turned into a constant battle and these past few nights have been a struggle.  Sigh.

Countless hours...minutes...seconds...just getting lost...flying by.  Reaching out for the security of sweet dreams only to be  awaken by some unseen resistance. 

As I lay here my mind searches. Theres so much! Just so much to take care of. I used to depend on you.  Now everyone seems to be depending on me.  Everyone wants my time but no one seems to give me theirs.  Who do I turn to now?  Who will be there just to listen to me when I need to speak? Who will give me a hug and tell me everything will be ok? Who will help me find some sanity in a world of insanity?

I dont have time for my own problems. I'm too busy taking care of others. I'm not sure how I got here,  but I feel this undying need to escape so that I may be a little free-willed and responsibility-less. I need this.

Everything is changing. Gears are shifting.  I am not the same person I was just 5 seconds ago. My spirit is rebelling with each moment that passes. 

Just as I think I have found my sleep...a panic spreads over me.  I feel that same, heavy, cold presence over me.  Its cold form moves up my body and rests upon my chest. Pressing down. Squeezing the life out of me.  I awaken violently gasping for air.  When I am able to shake off that feeling of panic...I lay back down next to him as he sleeps peacefully and undisturbed.

Who do I have to watch over me? Who will chase off panic? 

Its 5 am. I am delirious.

I long for you....sleep...