I haven't blogged in a while. It seems like I only do when things are negative. I don't want negative memories. I want to talk... but there's never anyone there for me... especially at midnight on a holiday...and during a nice break from work. So...I'll just talk to your messenger.
I often think about what it would be like if I had left my marriage/relationship at the first sign of trouble. Then I ask myself if I'm strong enough to love alone. Because who would want someone like me... I'm weak. Im a glutton for punishment. I enjoy having alone time, but I am unsure of my place in peoples lives. But then I realize, to get through this...I'd have to be strong. Stupid...but strong.
Often times I feel broken...fragmented.
Split personality sort of....the responsible adult that goes to work, pays her bills. The parent...which I can say now with my heart full of love... The lover...no matter how one sided it feels, I still love and care enough to take care of "him" The pervert...I still crave that intimate connection and I enjoy being naughty. There are many pieces of me here...
Just thoughts...had to get them down...
"After the explosion, I spend the rest of the day putting the pieces of me back together." - Ray Bradbury
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