I learned something tonight...

I completely took control of my husbands body tonight. Taking the time to enjoy every inch of him and letting him know how I felt.  Not letting him have any say as to what needed to be done. I knew what I wanted and he did not object. I ran my hands and lips over him, giving quick nibbles along the way until our bodies lay motionless under the strain of our ecstasy.

I've been staring at the ceiling all night. I can't sleep.  As I laid naked in bed listening to the snores of my husband, my mind wanders.  I recalled all the things you and I talked about tonight. 

We are SO weird.  I know it...you know it...we both admit to it.  How does one go from conversations of the x-rated nature to philosophical and metaphysical debates?  What a pair we are!

I know I keep referring back to "us" from years ago, its one if my downfalls as a Cancer.  I also know that we found each other under stressful times back then. However, theres a part of me that hopes the bond we made is still alive in us somewhere. Even if its 9-10 years later.  We may not be the same people but we've some how managed to maintain some form of relationship going.

I did learn a little something tonight...

Its no surprise that I'm a control freak. So the question is...What is the surprise?  I have found that I actually do like giving up some control. SURPRISE!! I like living on the edge, stepping up to that symbolic line drawn on the ground and just teetering over the edge...ready to fall but not quite giving in.  Awaiting the next step but never getting there. ..teasing.  I haven't found this with many people...most push you over the edge without asking or saying a word. 

In all the years we've shown that side to each other, you have never given me a reason to not trust you. You have never pushed me or been disrespectful. I need you to know that I enjoyed this side of us and I still will.  You've allowed me to experience that edge with complete trust that you won't let me fall.

Theres still another side left to enjoy. One that I am grateful you are still willing to enjoy as well. Our "intellectual" side as you put it. It may not be the "us" from way back then but it's definitely an "us" that im looking forward to establishing. Not that we weren't intellectual back then lol! Heres to a new journey to find enlightenment,  knowledge and power...and still find our way to stay weird and goofy.  

I just hope that you weren't upset or freaking out about things that you disappear on me for months again...or forever :-(

"If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him."  -- Buddha.